Tonight is especially difficult for me, I am not sure why, other than my little guy is at his fathers home. You would think I would be getting better at being alone. I guess I am, I'm not sitting in the corner sobbing, so that is progression. I've cleaned the house, done some laundry, made a Bills to pay poster for my fridge with colorful magnets to remind me what I haven't paid yet :)! But man, am I sad. I miss my little guy so much, I miss his older brother that was once a big part of my life. I miss my family that I once had here in Florida and I really miss my family that I do have in Utah. It is crazy to me how things happen, I found myself wondering today "why?". Now I make myself stop asking why and instead ask myself "What are you going to do about it?". I have started School again. I am 42 years old and going back to school...there is something very scary but very empowering about that. I have found other options for our life that I didn't even consider before.
I am putting plans into motion, Plans B,C and D if Plan A doesn't work out. Am I happy that my original plan for life didn't work out. No, not really. Am I happy that I am out of a unfaithful relationship. Absolutely. I know that I didn't deserve that and my little guy doesn't deserve to live in a home filled with lies, but it still is very sad. I hope one day soon it will stop being so sad and just be what happened in my life. I know it will turn into that someday, but when will that day come, I wish I knew.
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